I don’t know why the world is so disconcerting, other individuals are effortlessly engaging while I struggle. When I behave too amiably and act normally, they show no interest in me, and when I act mischievously, they talk behind my back. Only a few people want to befriend me, and after a long time, we feel like strangers, and I don’t have any friends anymore. This cycle repeats in my life, and I envy those who have many friends, even if their friends are unpleasant. At least they have friends. I envy people with fervor; they know what they need to do. I am unaware of my own abilities; countless times I have contemplated but failed to grasp them. People surround me, yet I still feel alone, ignorant of my abilities and passions. I have read countless thought-provoking quotes, books, but they have been futile in helping me. I waste my time riding alone and playing games. Am I truly alive? My soul has perished; I have died countless times in this harsh world. Welcome to my existence.
Alone, stressed, depressed, isolated, longing for death, yearning to vanish from this earth, contemplating suicide? You’re not alone, there are many people like you. Spare me the chatter.
Be grateful, there are many who are facing greater difficulties than you… enough of the talk.
Mix with others so you won’t be lonely, if you have many friends… enough of the talk.
You’re not alone, God is always by your side… enough of the talk.
Create something, you still have a long life ahead, make your parents proud, do what you love with the people you love… enough of the talk.
There are people who appreciate your presence… enough of the talk.
Unbeknownst to you, there are people who mention you in their prayers… enough of the talk.
Life is short, make the most of it… enough of the talk.
Blah blah blah, and so on.
I’m sick of hearing or seeing meaningless advice or quotes like that. We, the lonely ones, don’t need such pointless quotes. We just need a reason to live. Why live? Others can eat and live even without our presence. So, what’s the importance of our existence? Have you ever felt like an NPC in this world? Existing but not feeling alive. Every time there’s a gathering, you feel a dark spotlight shining on you while others don’t. Every time you try to join or engage in small talk, everyone pays attention, but in reality, they’re only pretending to be interested while secretly thinking, “What’s this about?” So, what’s our purpose then? To fill the lives of those people? To be the backdrop while others shine in a multitude of colors? Or are we destined to be mere accessories in this world, like stones, trees, and such? If that’s the case, why not just become a stone instead, rather than existing but not truly living at all? Is it fair that others can speak their minds freely while we, the stone-like beings, can only express ourselves through thoughts? I have killed too many people in my mind, slandered others, or imagined things. There are too many untrustworthy individuals in this world. So, whom should I trust? I will continue to wait for a time when people like me can express what they feel to their loved ones, even if there are none close to us. I just wish that no one else thinks like me. If possible, I will console everyone who shares my thoughts, no matter how. But all of that is just a dream and my hope, whenever it may come true, is for those with lonely hearts to never feel lonely again.
I just want to be the reason why people keep on living. I don’t want anyone to consider themselves useless, worthless, and the like. So, please make my hope come true, fill the empty hearts of those closest to you, you can be alone, but never be lonely. So, for those who feel lonely, make yourself useful. When you can make the person you love or anyone else love you, they will consider you as their reason to live. And when you become their reason to live, I believe you will never feel lonely. I’m not a motivator, writer, or whatever you call it. What’s clear is that I’m just an introvert with the goal of changing this broken world. I want to change the perspective of those who see this world as a broken place into one that is beautiful, even though I still see it as broken. Let me bear the burden, not others. Rather than having no purpose, it’s better to help others achieve theirs. Would you not want to help someone achieve their goals? So, create your own goals and pursue them. If they are not achieved, you can pass them on to those closest to you, so that your goals will never die. Your body may perish, but your goals and thoughts should not.
I felt embarrassed wearing a white and blue uniform when I thought and wrote such things. If you think about it, depressed people are quite comical.
Some people strive to find happiness but are defeated by madman who make no effort at all. Some seek success but lose to luck. People believe they are doing the right thing without knowing what truth is and where it comes from. When asked, they only respond with, “What matters is that I am moving forward, even if it’s towards hell, unlike you who only think about how to move forward and remain silent with a mind full of a thousand languages you don’t even understand.” And the next day, the person who keeps moving forward gets lost and meets their demise, while the one who remains silent is struck by natural calamities and meets their demise. Yet, no one knows the truth. “It starts with conviction and ends in disappointment or belief” or “It starts with doubt and ends with steadfastness or belief”?
Indeed, as Tere Liye said, no sailor sabotages their own ship, but that only happens in safe and comfortable conditions. When our ship is seized by pirates called the environment, when they take our innocence and turn it into fear, we have no choice but to abandon our ship, even destroy it, swim as fast as we can, and find another ship. Then, whether we like it or not, we have to obey the rules of the new ship to survive. We are forced to leave our old comfortable ship with its own rules and follow the new ship with restrictive rules called life.