At the age of 17, I lost the magnetic quality of attracting good things in my environment. Many things emerged that did not meet my expectations during my joyful elementary school years. Back then, I believed that religion could save the world with all its flaws. The environment felt truly alive during that time. I thought that religion had saved many people, and I believed that any problem occurred due to a lack of faith in God. However, with faith, all problems could be healed. Through hope, prayer, and effort, I felt myself becoming a positive force in solving life’s problems.
Then, I dared to continue my education at a public junior high school that tended to prioritize worldly knowledge and science. My perspective from elementary school was blurred by the realities of life in junior high. I observed how everything diverse could coexist, especially in terms of religion. It was during that time that I was carried away by the environment, gradually forgetting about religion and prioritizing pleasure and happiness as life goals. I indulged in forbidden things, embraced hedonism and consumerism, and immersed myself in the search for identity during adolescence.
The search for identity was the lowest point I experienced. I felt skeptical about God, emptiness, falsehood, and various mental illnesses that attacked me. Through adolescence, I had already forgotten the good things that happened to me during my childhood. Moreover, the high expectations of my parents always became sources of disappointment during my teenage years. Philosophical questions were posed, yet none received satisfactory answers. I rebelled against my parents and concealed myself from those closest to me, masking my true feelings with a facade of being fine.
At that time, I longed for the world to move quickly, to advance to the next stage, to meet new people, and to find motivation for this empty soul. I hoped that time would heal me.
When the results of my junior high school graduation were announced, I searched for a school in another city with the hope of shaping a new personality. I immersed myself in knowledge and religion. RELIGION. That’s what came to mind—I had to return to religion to regain the simple happiness of my childhood. I joined an Islamic spiritual organization at school, which enlightened me to some extent. Time truly became the healer. I successfully completed my first year of high school, surrounded by mature friends, decent academic achievements, good organizational peers, and I even ran for the position of chairman in the religious organization.
I am grateful and feel that I exist for a reason. The flickering hope for humanity and the progress of people in my country, in terms of both knowledge and high morality, has ignited a bit.
However, as I stepped into my second year of high school, the hopes I had built slowly crumbled and extinguished. The image of modern humanity was reflected in the people around me and within myself. All that was desired was material possessions and personal pleasures. For those lacking confidence, they submerged themselves in reaching the fantasy of the afterlife paradise. But essentially, it’s all the same—seeking a sense of pleasure that arises from what is seen and unseen. The history carved by heroes who sought freedom and fought against oppression seemed worthless to modern humans. Everything is intoxicated by hedonism and fanaticism. Responsible freedom no longer exists within the hearts of modern humans.
There are various complex problems that cannot be solved solely by religion. The awareness of each individual seems too easy to be considered a fundamental problem. The sickness of societal soul can infect the conscious individual soul. If we search for the root of these problems, we will find many similarities that require their own solutions. And those who enjoy following human desires conclude that the solutions to all problems lie in God. Due to disappointment and loss of hope, such individuals set boundaries for themselves through their way of
life.
Then, as part of a sick soul longing to heal and yearning for the original soul, I want to provide a small conclusion. Whether I am still sick or have already recovered, marked by sparks of hope, I don’t care. This is what I understand. All problems arise due to human sins—sins committed against oneself and against other humans, not sins against God.
The human brain’s projection onto God always likens Him to a human being. He needs worship, recognition, hope, and all the needs that humans require. It seems as if He needs all the rituals we perform, and His feelings fluctuate like those of humans. Is this praise or insult? In reality, we are the ones in need, not Him. Nevertheless, this problem always remains unresolved and even creates diseases like war. So why don’t we solve the problem of truth, God, religion, the universe, or similar concepts by keeping everything within our souls? Let truth be an input to the soul, which, when processed, will generate goodness through actions. However, unfortunately, once truth becomes relative, the goodness produced also becomes relative.
Some kill, believing it to be good because the one killed has killed others. Some steal, claiming it to be good because they need to provide for themselves and their families. Some wage wars, asserting it to be good because they are defending their country and religion. Thus, goodness is relative. And to address the relativity of goodness, as humans, we need to adhere to a universal law that applies to everyone. If one person is disturbed, all others feel offended and believe they must uphold that law. This is what we call humanitarian law.
Humans always hurt, disappoint, envy, and undermine one another because of their freedom. They disappoint those who previously fought for freedom and humanity. The knowledge and technology that were hoped to aid civilization end up becoming diseases and intoxication for those who are irresponsible. The taught religion is used as a reason for war and the hiding of a certain group from society. Hurting humans who have yet to exist due to the destruction of the environment caused by negligence and the formation of a culture of excessive pleasure that diminishes humanity.
If the universe approves of all this, let it be. But a particle of the universe within my soul feels the need to comment on this. It’s not because my soul feels the most noble and pure, but because my soul follows the signs given by the universe. Stop the intoxication and continuously nurture hope for humanity. That is what my soul desires, even though the part that desires humanly things cannot be separated.
However, I always strive and pray from my subconscious mind, thoughts, feelings, soul, and every part of myself to constantly nurture, awaken, remember, strengthen, and spread an abstract concept called humanity and divine values.