So this is my review for the most horror manhwa I’ve ever read. Most horror in manhwa never feels like horror, actually. I am a fainthearted seriously. I always act like am a brave person whenever I watch movies with friends in my childhood, and after I went home, I often had a hard time to sleep and go to some room of my house in the night because I was very scared. But the feeling after read this manwha is not the same as I read whenever I was in my childhood or similiar horror movies like that, it’s very different.
It’s basically a real horror, the peak horror of what can human ever imagined if you use your brain very hard. It doesn’t mean I ridicule a person who read and feels like the manhwa is boring and conclude that those persons are stupid. For me, it has a lot of related topics with how advanced this modern world that really making you wanna throw your this manhwa away and wish you never read that at all.
The manhwa consist of many stories and have different background. I don’t want to explain all of that, I just want to tell you about my favourite part. My favourite part is the nihilistic views towards the after life. If you’ve read many of my writing in the rhyme tag, you will find that the scenery or atmosphere or the topic is similar, even though my writting is not really deep, because I am just to lazy to explain everything. But the main poin is mostly similar with his part of manhwa, which I forgot about the chapter.
I don’t wanna give you a spoiler, because I can’t really explain something well. It’s hard you know to make people understand you, even myself never understand me. But this is the cliche statement from me. I was born in a Muslim environment, so most of the people around me believe after life exist, that life is only temporary. And their life purpose in a simple way is basically just be happy and make everyone happy, either in life or after life.
And that’s the problem. I never understand the concept of why do we need to be happy. This is the question that I want to ask to any philosopher or any other influencers who I thought they have a good understanding towards life. I never satisfied hearing the answer because I never ask. But here’s a point what I want to explain and ask to all of you.
In this modern world, we could get something very easily. Smartphone, gadget, tools, and everything become so good that we (a priviledge person) have a lot leisure time. We become easily boring. We look on the news and ask everything who am I, what is my purpose, and any other existential crisis questions. Then we are influenced by bad news, by a provocative docummenter about how the world works. If you lazy to read too much maybe you can just hear the song which describe this condition from Bo Burnham’s songs.
In the main things, we should make everyone happy. In the other hand, there’s not any single of proof in history that all human living happily. The definition itself is very vivid, and doesn’t clear, but all of you can feel what is happiness and such things, like love, its hard to describe, but all of you can feel and know it is that we called happy or it is that we called love, etc etc.
Let’s cut this bullshit, I am too lazy to write. So I just want to share my experience with this Manhwa.
Seriously, it’s the darkest manhwa I’ve ever read. I thought that my life will never be the same anymore, I thought that after finishing the reading maybe a few weeks later I was going to kms. Or maybe because I am just a coward and I already have watch NKH Ni youkoso which depicts a hikkikomori and most all of them are cowards so they don’t have courage to kill themselves. Well I thought I am gonaa have anxiety and I can’t go out of house again or gonna be a hikkikomori for the rest of my life, because I feel like life is so meaningless, and maybe I just spend my time alone reading any useless philosophy books or hentai. But everything that I thought I am gonna be like that, I am gonna be like this, all of that kind of things never happened, until now.
I was still going out at that time, in the pandemic era, to go to the mosque, or buy foods with my mask because I don’t want to be looked so depressed by unmasked. And I still met with my friends with no anxiety. I still can make a fake smile to friends, or to neighbors or far family, even I still can faking my expression to my family, I don’t know why. Most people maybe can hide their feeling to their family and pretend to be happy, but I am not. My expression is kind of like a sirius black meme. But I don’t know, why my life just works like this.
I knew that everything is so meaningless, but it’s just I don’t know why I am still going, and not only that, I expected that my life will become hikkikomori, but I still going outside normally, I even don’t have a social anxiety anymore in the public without my mask. I don’t know why but my mind become so calm now. I don’t know which content I consume that makes me live like this, because I thought I am gonna depressed af, but the truth is not.
I never understand everything, I took 24 SKS college course, and I got all A’s, even I am not focus and just did the work perforcely. I still can go to college to take exams and my anxiety or depression is not appeared. Maybe the the sense of meaningless life have just became part of my body that I feel no pain again. I don’t know it’s just I never feel like that I am the owner of this body. Like the body act by itself, the soul, the consciousness, I never understand all of that. I am not who I am, I never become anything, even just become myself, I never feel it. Maybe I already dead, maybe I kill myself tomorrow, maybe yesterday, I just don’t know.
This calm state of mind, I never expect this, but it is what it is. The horror and the dark of the manhwa, I just feel like that it is not a horror anymore. Maybe I have already became a purely animal who act naturally, or philoshopher, or even god. Or maybe it’s just the uncertainty feeling. Maybe I kms tomorrow? Maybe I am gonna kill the author because his next manhwa is very bad?