Lets be honest.

  1. first option: being a marbot masjid. do you really believe that people you could fold the fabric of reality? by making people believe on what you said, on what you doctrine? to speak in front of people, you should do this or do that. you should pray to god and so on, do you really want to tell people to do something? i believe you dont.

you see your friends. they only care about themselves, they want to be the star. only conspiracay thoeries beleive in your words. none fall for machiavelli words for reward and punishment. everyone just irationally believe in the guilty some ethical nonsense after been doctrinated from the first year of their childhood. and it doesnt really effect them in the long run. they just believe in this capitalism, that you have a dream, that you can be anything.

so most teenager just believe in whatever they saw in movies, short clips, songs, news, whatever being taught to them, without consciousness or realization. your college friends, include you just look for something that make them feel great, while the truth is, noone knows the truth. the truth just doesn’t exist. and while you are forcing your problems to them, they are just don’t care about it. so you think it is feasible? yes it is. but you’re a part of munafiqun, dont try to speak in front of people something you don’t do by yourself!

  1. second option: data engineer/industrial clerk work. pursuing data engineer, computer science, information system in general. you fuckin hate it. you know it. when someone request you to do something, industrial things, it is all meaningless. first you got an intern at one of big company in OTA, you somehow feel grateful. then you’re just go into it, you feel like shit. all meaningless, all bullshit jobs, that anyone can do that. why the recruitment process is such hell?

you try to keep it up, try to focus on data engineering. but the things it you dont care about it. you experienced as backend engineer or frontend, designing some information system , drawing process, chart, analysis nonsense. you fuckin hate it. you enjoy the coding for a little while, but in the end you know that it is meaningless. it is too little.

maybe someday you might find enjoyment in it, but not with people tell you need to do something. you fucking hate user so much. they are scum stupid people fucking lazy to read and to learn, so they are just fucking asking everything while it s so ffcking obvious. you hate all those creators, all users, you hate much of those.

you want to work with someone you admire. none of it you admire. what is the impact for society, they are just scum who fall for american dream and just build a happy family. their family are superficial, their kids are stupid. they tell their kids to memorizing random arabian words what for? to show their stupid friends that their kids is fucking religious. it’s moron you know, memorizing something you don’t understand, and you believe it will make a goodness to you. but yes, it is goodness, you pretend that it is good, then it will become good in the end. fake it till you make it my ass.

would you continue pursuing data engineer or industrial clerk in general my friends? i believe you dont want.

  1. option 3: quant. ah this another bullshit jobs. you sure knows that trader is just a fucking moron who believe in astrology. you know from mandelbrot or munger that it is fucking stupid. no real value. financial engineering is just stupid and doesnt create any value. their richness is stupid. they can buy real things, but there’s no value in it, it is all illusions. they are all gambler, you want to end up like them? i dont thing so.

but you somehow dream to be well financially independent, so you can do anything you want. i think it is just a start to be rich quickly other than other options. but how do you continue this.

  1. option 4: nuclear, complexity science, all physical mathematical geek things.

you aim to be one of this. what for? what kind of problem do you want to solve? you just want a fancy title, aren you? youre fuckin bad at math. you jsut memorizing math, not understanding math. you got C+ at statistics.

but you really want to do this? please clarify, what problems do you want to solve. thats the biggest question. it stimulates your brain i believe. but is there the thing you really like to solve? you need to clarify.

  1. option 5: food self-sufficiency.

i dont know you really want to start farming or agriculture? i think you consider option 3 not because you really want it, but rather you just want to have image of independece that you could suffice yourself without the need of others so you can do something in number 4. am i right? but you simply are afraid to fail. you dont know how start, you dont know how to research. you need to buy land. there’s no guaranteed that it will success.

so what’s the concrete things you should do? clarification

  • try datazoomcamp whether you hate it or not
  • find problems to solve
  • see forage
  • research about how to be self-sufficient and fight the feeling of afraid and insecurity towards lack of something.