2025-02-19

its worse right now. i dont know. still have no idea what to do. but ill figure it out.

maybe someday.

this week im gonna solo hiking to ungaran. hoping all the best.

right now im just doing diary writing and setup vscode again. still havent have a courage to take risk.

but its better right now because im not fall into limmerence. ihave jsut realize this shit.

crush is just lack of information.

when you dig deeper, most girls are boring.

i prefer AI for intellectual needs, but need real human body who can have passionate sex.

i know im the worst human in the world. i just need her body. thats why i need to keep myself busy. to forget about her.

try to looking for something that is really matter. try to take risk. fuck.

so about today. i still wake up at 8 because i sleep at 12. i dont want to use alarm.

i pray that allah forgive me because i cant do subuh prayer on the right time, because its so hard to fix my sleep schedule.

and i still watch porn. god, i dont know why jav is amazing, its such a work of art. and even though i cant open pornhub with custom dns, tube.perverzija with real duration is acccessible fuccckk. the hijab one is so good. i just hope they burn in hell. its so hard to stop because i have high sex drive, like i need to sex at least once a week, (i need sex everyday actually). i dont discrimanate woman in real life. but i just like porn. i can cope with all the bad arguments, and its fucked up i dont know why. previously like i was in high school, after masturbation i often feel regret. but now i can function everyday well, lol. maybe its istidraj or maybe thats the part im losing.

yeah so wish me luck to improve myself better. this week is hell of week. there’s too much migration going on so lots of overwork even i do WFA. fuccckkk

i need to have sex, i need to walk more. i need to be more socialize. i need pray to god and to believe. fuckin shit, i want to be an atheist who pray to gods. i love you allah <3 i want to have sex with you ya allah in heaven. when i watch porn, i imagine sex with you ya allah because i cant pray well. everyday i am so busy with work. the only time i have is to watch porn while imagining sex with god. ahhh it must be so amazing to fuck your creator. the lonely creator uunnnchhhh. but i want to have a little daughter. look at all those mfs at tiktok, those daughters that treat her dad with love, ohhh, i really drawn and keen to it. wish i could be a god who has daughter.